Posted by shiny on November 04, 2026 at 18:22 · 2 min read and edited at November 05, 2026 at 04:44

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"Gardening is illegal in New Zealand, so why on earth are you doing it?”

Fair question. I’m not the first to ask, and I still have no good answer.

Enforcement

I’ve noticed that the only agency actually enforcing this ban in Te Whanganui-a-Tara is the wind. It flattens the bean poles every November, and it takes the tops off my broad beans out of what I can only call spite. I haven’t ruled out a coordinated effort.

The evidence problem

My biggest worry is the courgettes. They are the one crop that cannot be hidden. By February I’ll have forty of them, each the size of a cricket bat, and no way to dispose of them discreetly. I’ve left them on neighbours’ doorsteps before, and I swear I once saw a curtain twitch.

Last year someone anonymously left a bag of lemons on my front step. No note, no name. I ate them. I didn’t ask questions. That is simply how these things work.

What I’m doing about it

I’m going to plant the whole garden anyway, with a nervous smile and the wind in my hair. If you see me at the market, say hello, and please don’t bring it up.